Reanimated : By Myself
by AmbientQd
Summary: Oneshot The rewritten version of my first fanfic. Just because it had the potential to be so much more. Vegeta centric.


My name is Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans. If you have not heard of me then you are one of the few, or just some lucky basterd I haven't killed when I was under the service of Frieza. Tsk, service, more like slavery for the way that basterd treated me.

_What do I do to ignore them behind me. _

_Do I, follow my instincts blindly._

I didn't need people around. I dindn't need company, didn't want it nor accepted it. Not even from Nappa or Radditz. They were my 'bodygaurds', nothing more and nothing less. My pride was my company and it still is. And nobody will ever be able to take that away from me. Not even Frieza could deminish it.

I remember my father telling me that he was proud of me. Proud that I was had so much raw talent and the potential to become a strong warrior one day. Proud that I would be his succesor in the future.

Proud of his son.

And _I _take pride in remembering my fathers words.

_Do I hide my pride, from these bad dreams and give in the sad thoughts that are maddening._

_Do I, sit here and try to stand in, or do I, try to catch them red-handed._

When Planet Vegeta was destoyed, along with every other Saiyan except for Nappa, Raditz and myself, the three of us were transfered to live on board one of Frieza's many headquarters. I remember Nappa telling me that I shouldn't trust anyone who I came across, not Frieza, not his minions, not even himself. Being taught not to trust anyone at such a young age had been quite and advantage for me. I'm doubting if it still is now.

When I took Nappa's advice, it didn't take long for me to notice the effect it had on the people around me. Even at such a young age, I could see the coldness in their eyes. After a while they gave up on trying to get me to respond. They talked to me only when necessary except for a selected few, who liked seeing me kicked when down. And as a result of Nappa's advice, I've lived my life in loneliness.

And I liked it that way.

_Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, or do I, trust nobody and live in loneliness. _

_Cause I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin._

I've sometimes lost faith. Why keep going on living this life as a slave to a tyrant? What's the point? But then I remembered my studies on my home planet. The Legendary Super Saiyan. At that point, I kept telling myself that if I can become the Legendary, I would kill Frieza and pay him back for what he did to me. I grew more bolder from that moment on. My facade was worn each day.

And Frieza did not like it.

_I make the right moves but I'm lost within. _

_I put on my daily facade but then, I just end up getting hurt again. By myself._

_Myself!_

_I ask why._

_But in my mind I find,_

_I can't rely on myself._

_Myself!_

_I ask why._

_But in my mind I find,_

_I can't rely on myself._

My goal to become the Legendary was a hard one. And it still is. The missions Frieza sent me on weren't much of a challenge, but I kept telling myself that as long as I saw them as training to become the Legendary, then maybe I wouldn't lose my mind.

I guess it worked.

For I am still here with a good head on my shoulders, still trying, now more than ever, to become my race's succesor. But what if it's impossible. What if there never was a Super Saiyan, and it was just a fairy tale all along. Like Frieza always told me it was. What if...

I guess it didn't work.

_I can't hold on._

_To what I want when I'm streched so thin._

_It's all too much to take in. I can't hold on._

_To anything, watching everything spin._

_With thoughts of failure sinking in._

When I was not on a mission, I was on one of Frieza's bases.

Wich was Hell.

I didn't trust anybody there. It was impossible for me at that point. I was constantly aware of my surroundings, aware of how the shadow's moved along the floor, aware of the cold stares I've recieved each and every time I came into someone's line of view. Aware that they might attack me at any moment.

Wich they often did.

I would always fight back. I would not show them that I was afraid of them. I couldn't show them, for my pride wouldn't let me. But in the end, it always ended with my face pressed against the cold, white tiled floor by one of Frieza's minions.

They could punch me and kick me until I could hear my own bones break under the pressure. They could crush my tail until I had to bite on my lip to prevent them from giving them the pleasure of hearing my screams. They could insult me all they want but I would never give in to them.

For I had given up in myself.

_If I turn my back I'm defenceless._

_And to go blindly seems senseless._

_If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they'll,_

_Take from me till everything is gone._

It seemed like no matter how much I trained, no matter how many times I've been brought back from the brink of death and therefor becoming stronger, I couldn't close the gap between Frieza's power and my own. I wasn't even close to the power that Zarbon and Dodoria contained, let alone the Ginyu Force.

It seemed like no matter how desperatly I clung unto my life's purpose, my destiny, I couldn't catch up to the ones who mocked me at every opportunity they got.

_If I let them go I'll be outdone, but if I, try to catch them I'll be outrun._

_If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer, _

_Than I'll be buried in the silence of the answer. By myself._

_Myself!_

And it was killing me.

_I ask why._

_But in my mind I find._

_I can't rely on myself._

_Myself!_

Making my heart of stone.

_I ask why._

_But in my mind I find._

_I can't rely on myself._

Enough so to make the tight grip on reality slip a fraction.

_I can't hold on._

_To what I want when I'm streched so thin._

_It's all too much to take in. I can't hold on._

As if it hadn't slipped already.

_To anything, watching everything spin._

_With toughts of failure sinking in._

I have lost a lot in my life time. My father. My mother. My homeplanet. My people.

_How do you think._

My emotions.

_I've lost so much_

But I kept pushing on. For it is all that I have ever done.

_I'm so afraid._

But then Frieza was defeated. By a Super Saiyan. I always hoped he would meet his well met end that way.

_I'm out of touch._

Unfortunately, his blood was not spilled by my doings.

_How do you expect._

I was finally free. Free of Frieza's clutches. Free to do and please whatever I want to.

_I will know what to do._

Free of my other life goal to slay the one who made my life a living Hell.

_When all I know._

Free of my other life goal...

_Is what you tell me to._

But did I really want that freedom?

_Don't you,_

_Know!_

I will continue my strugle to become the Legendary. I know now that it is not just a legend.

_I can't tell you how to make it,_

_Go!_

Kakarot is proof of that.

_No matter what I do,how hard I,_

_Try!_

I will continue. For I would be lost if I didn't have something to stive for.

_I can't seem to convince myself,_

_Why!_

I've heard that Kakarot is still alive somehow.

_I'm stuck on the outside. Don't you,_

_Know!_

And once again I find myself in the depths of space, searching.

_I can't tell you how to make it,_

_Go!_

Searching for the one who defeated me.

_No matter what I do, how hard I,_

_Try!_

Searching for the one who took my slim chance of revenge against the one who I had called Lord for as long as I can remember.

_I can't seem to convince myself,_

_Why!_

_I'm stuck on the outside._

Searching for answers.

_I can't hold on._

I need to find him.

_To what I want when I'm streched so thin._

_It's all too much to take in. I can't hold on._

I need to make him tell me how he did it.

_To anything, watching everyting spin._

_With toughts of failure sinking in. I can't hold on._

I need to...

_To what I want when I'm streched so thin._

_It's all too much to take in. I can't hold._

_To anything, watching everything spin._

The nightmares are getting worse.

_With toughts of failure sinking._

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A/N : Well, good? Bad? To be honest I haven't written a fic in over 3 years or so. So I'm hesitating if I should continue from where I left off or just stop writing altogether. Drop a review, it should help me with my final decision.

Thanks for reading,

debje


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